Posts Tagged ‘Positivity’

Increase Positivity

September 2, 2019

The title of this post is identical to the title of a chapter in a book by a book by psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson, “Positivity: Discover the Upward Spiral That Will Change Your Life.” The chapter begins with the following Cherokee parable:

One evening an Old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle
that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy jealousy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“ The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth,
compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Sincerity matters. Take a moment to appreciate the word “Heartfelt.” To truly feel positivity in your heart requires that you slow down. The pace of modern life is often so relentless that it keeps you focused outward, away from your inner core. To increase your positivity, you’ll need to “un-numb” your heart. Let it feel. Let it be open. Slow yourself down enough so that you can see and hear and sense with your heart, not just with your eyes, ears, and mind. Let yourself breathe in and fully absorb the goodness that surrounds you. Connect to that goodness. Revel in it. Together with a sincere attitude, this slower pace unlocks your heartfelt positivity.

Find Positive Meaning. Finding positive meaning is always possible. Most of the circumstances we face are not 100% bad. So the chance to find the good, and honestly accentuate the positive meaning in your current circumstance, is always present, even if it’s simply to realize that “this too shall pass.” When you reframe unpleasant and even dire circumstances in a positive way, you boost the odds that positive emotions—like hope—will flow forth.

Savor Goodness. Another strategy for increasing positivity, perhaps obvious is to find the good within the good, by turning something positive into something even more positive. The author suggests calling this gold-plated positivity. She writes that savoring is a mental habit we can develop.

Count Your Blessings. By moving the riverbed of your habitual thought you can reframe something bad as something good and make good things even better. You can even do the same with seemingly ordinary things. You can take something flat, dull, and commonplace and make it sparkle. Oprah popularized the idea of keeping a gratitude journal. She encouraged people to write down five things they love each day.

Kindness Counts. There are at least two sides to kindness. When you count your blessings, you often appreciate how others have been kind to you and have elicited your gratitude. Recognizing your side of kindness is another simple and cost-free way to boost your positivity. Kindness and positivity feed own each other. Simply recognizing your own acts of kindness initiates an upward spiral.

Follow Your Passions. Give yourself permission to play. Find the activities that allow you to enter flow. Flow states are those peak moments in which you become fully absorbed in an activity, when the challenges of the activity are high and well-matched by your ever increasing skills. Some people enter into flow with their hobbies.

Dream About Your Future. Another way to boost your positivity is to dream more frequently about your future. Conjure up the best possible outcomes for yourself. Visualize your future successes in great detail. People who are assigned at random to carry out such an exercise show reliable increases in their positivity relative to those who carry out more mundane self-reflective actions.

Apply Your Strengths. People who have the opportunity to do what they do best—to act on their strengths—are far more likely to flourish. Research has shown that learning about your strengths can give you a high.

Connect with Others. Flourishing is not a solo endeavor. It’s scientifically correct to say that nobody reaches his or her full potential in isolation. Every person who flourishes has warm and trusting relationships with other people.

Connect with Nature. Natural environments may be as important to flourishing as social environments. So a very simple way to increase your positivity is to go outside.

Open Your Mind. Positivity and openness feed on each other, each triggering and reinforcing the other. This bidirectional link means that another level you can gasp to increase positivity is to be open. Be open and positivity will follow.

Open Your Heart. Whereas the practice of mindfulness meditation opens your mind, other age-old meditation practices seem to more directly unlock your heart. Practicing these other forms of meditation helps you experience your connections with others, bringing forth the deep and heartfelt positivity of community. The author suggest loving-kindness meditation. Enter “loving-kindness” into the search block at
healthymemory.wordpress.com to find relevant posts on this topic.

Dealing with Negative People

September 1, 2019

The title of this post is identical to the title of a section in of a book by psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. titled “Positivity: Discover the Upward Spiral That Will Change Your Life.” The title presents a challenge to which we all will encounter. Here are three techniques for dealing with this situation.

Technique 1. Modify the situation. You need to be honest and ask yourself if there is any way that you inadvertently feed this person’s negativity. Could I somehow be baiting him with my own reaction or words? Am I to any degree closed down when we interact? What assumptions do I make about this person? Reviewing these questions might lead to better ways of interacting with this individual.

Another way to change the situation is to be proactive in setting the collective agenda. Choose joint activities that inspire you. Consider whether you might reserve the tasks that irritate you—for example, paying the bills or cleaning up—for when you’re each alone and less likely to fan the collective negativity flames.

If negativity surfaces, a final way to modify the situation is to inject compassion, hope, or even humor. Curb you tendency to respond “in kind” to gratuitous negativity with yet another helping of it. Don’t escalate the problem. Instead offer positive reframes of the negative messages delivered. Convert they “half empty” to half full.” Point out something that you both might see as funny. Scientific studies have shown that relationships in which one partner somehow manages to break the cycle of negative reciprocity—by respond to negativity in a neutral or positive way—fare far better than those in which partners mirror each other’s ill will.

Technique 2. Attend differently. Another strategy is to consider how you might attend to different aspects of this person. What are his positive qualities? What do you appreciate about him? What does he bring to the table? Perhaps your boss’s frequent bursts of anger are matched by his stand-out passion for making a positive difference in the world. Consider the times when your spouse has stood by you, loyal and faithful. Consider how you might give voice to what you appreciate. Research has documented that, in relationships, the areas where you choose to cast your attention and devote your words grow in strength and significance over time.

Technique 3. Change meanings. Instead of seeing this person as bringing you down, consider the quote by Zen teacher Charlotte Joko Beck,
Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath.
Could this person or situation be a teacher in disguise? They could be, if you reframe your time with her as a challenge—a challenge to be more mindful, less judgmental, or more compassionate. Remember that you do get to choose whether to react to the negativity this person spews. His negativity need not be yours. Working on you own reactions in a mindful way may even remove some of the fuel that keeps this person’s negativity flaming. But even if it doesn’t, you still come out ahead. You’ll have further developed your skill in mindfulness.

Decrease Negativity

August 31, 2019

The following post is based on a book by a book by psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson, “Positivity: Discover the Upward Spiral That Will Change Your Life.” The first tactic is to dispute the negative thoughts you are thinking. First of all, learn what you can from the experience such as starting a project earlier so cramming will not be needed at the end. Find whatever negative thoughts are useful, and learn from them. Remaining negative thoughts, such as criticizing yourself and your intelligence, should be disposed of. What is useful use. The remainder should be sent to your mental trash folder. Learning to dispute nonproductive forms of negative thinking is at the heart of cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT. The author writes that you don’t need to have a diagnosable mental illness to benefit from this skill. You can use it to keep inevitable negativity at bay.

Another technique is to break the grip of rumination. Ruminating involves the consistent thoughts that keep running through your mind over and over. The first step is to identify that you are ruminating, and if these ruminations are not offering anything helpful, then stop doing it.

Unfortunately, this is often easier said than done. So you need to do something that literally takes your mind off of your ruminations. Go for a jog. Go for for a swim. Fix your bike. Lift weights at the gym. Meditate or do yoga. Find some activity that totally absorbs you. You could call your friend and ask about his latest trip. Or you could read those articles you’ve been meaning to read for your next project at work.

You can become more mindful. You can meditate or engage in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, or MBSR. Enter “mindfulness” “meditation,” or “MBSR,” into the search block at healthymemory.wordpress.com.

You can ask yourself which circumstances usher in the most negativity. Is it your commute? Mealtime? Interactions with certain family members or co-workers? Once you’ve identified the cause ask yourself, Is this negativity necessary? Is it gratuitous? Is it both?

Assess your media diet. A rule of thumb for news broadcasters is “If it bleeds, it leads.” Years ago marketeers discovered that negativity grabs your attention, draws you in, and keeps you watching. Surveys show that the more people watch television, the more violent they judge the world to be. Those who watch a lot of TV are not better informed about the evils of the world. They’re not. They grossly overestimate rates of violence. People who watch less TV are more accurate judges of the degree of risk we all might encounter each day.

Find substitutes for gossip and sarcasm. When you talk about others, highlight their positive qualities and good fortunes, not their weaknesses and mishaps. When poking fun, poke fun lightly. Hurl puns, not barbs, Avoid hidden forms of verbal aggression that cause needless guilt, humiliation, irritation, or self-consciousness to you or conversation partners. Occasions for necessary negativity abound, so there’s little need to manufacture negativity with you daily banter. Doing so needlessly cripples your positivity ratio and crushes your odds of flourishing.

Growing Positivity

August 30, 2019

This post provides an evaluation instrument for rating your own positivity. The remaining posts, all based on a book by psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D, will provide advice and exercises for growing positivity. The survey below proves a tool for rating your own positivity:

Instructions: How have you felt in the past day? Look back over the past day (i.e., from this time yesterday up to right now). Using the 0-4 scale below, indicate the greatest degree that you’ve experienced of each of the following feelings.
0 = Not at all
1 = A little bit
2 = Moderately
3 = Quite a bit
4 = Extremely

What is the most amused, fun-loving, or silly you felt?

What is the most angry, irritated, or annoyed you felt?

What is the most ashamed, humiliated, or disgraced you felt?

What is the most awe, wonder, or amazement you felt?

What is the most contemptuous, scornful, or disdainful you felt?

What is the most disgust, distaste, or revulsion you felt?

What is the most embarrassed, self-conscious, or blushing you felt?

What is the most grateful, appreciative, or thankful you felt?

What is the most guilty, repentant, or blameworthy you felt?

What is the most hate, distrust, or suspicion you felt?

What is the most hopeful, optimistic, or encouraged you felt?

What is the most inspired, uplifted, or elevated you felt?

What is the most interested, alert, or curious you felt?

What is the most joyful, glad, or happy you felt?

What is the most love, closeness, or trust you felt?

What is the most proud, confident, or self-assured you felt?

What is the most sad, downhearted, or unhappy you felt?
What is the most scared, fearful, or afraid you felt?

What is the most serene, content, or peaceful you felt?

What is the most stressed, nervous, or overwhelmed you felt?

There are ten items that reflect positivity. These are the ones that begin with the words amused, awe, grateful, hopeful, interested, joyful, love, proud, and serene

There are ten items that reflect negativity. These begin with the words, angry, shamed, contemptuous, disgust, embarrassed, guilty, hate, sad, scared, and stressed.

Count the number of circled positivity items that you scored as a 2 or higher.

Count the number of underlined negativity items that you endorsed as 1 or higher.

Calculate the ratio by dividing your positive tally by your negative tally. If your negativity count is zero for today, consider it to be a 1, to sidestep the can’t-divide-by-zero problem. The resulting number represents your positivity ratio for today.
A ratio of 3 is regarded as the tipping point into positivity. This is also called flourishing. Of course, you can keep growing above this ratio.

You should also be able to take this test online by going to
PositivityRatio.com

You can take this test now or whenever you choose to begin the posts providing advice and exercises for growing positivity. This enables you to measure your progress as you master known positivity techniques.

Build Your Best Future

August 29, 2019

The title of this post is identical to the title of a chapter in of a book by psychologist Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. title “Positivity: Discover the Upward Spiral That Will Change Your Life.” The beginning of this chapter follows:

“You are constantly changing—not just your clothes or your hairstyle, but your inner core, the very essence of your being. Change is the rule, constancy the rare exception. Consider the change under way within you at this very moment. What you know as “you” is actually trillions of cells living and working together. Most only live for a few weeks or months. When they die, they re replaced by new cells. This cycle continues for as long as you live.

The pace of cell renewal varies by body part. Your taste buds live only a few hours. Your white blood cells live about ten days. Your muscle cells live about three months. Even your bones are made anew time and time again. Considering these differences, scientists have suggested that you replace about 1 percent of your cells each day. That’s 1 percent today, another 1 percent tomorrow, amounting to roughly 30 percent by next month, and 100 percent by next season. Seeing yourself and your cells in this way, every three months you get a whole new you. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that it takes around three months to learn a new habit or make a lifestyle change. Perhaps we can’t teach an old cell new tricks. Perhaps our best hope lies in teaching our new cells.

At one time scientists thought that your brain cells were different, that they didn’t change. Perhaps they even orchestrated the cycle of cell death and rebirth elsewhere in your body. Not so. Even key brain cells wither away and are reborn. Every part of you can change, and your brain is no exception.

More fascinating still is the discovery that the pace of cell renewal doesn’t simply follow some predetermined script. It varies depending on what you do and how you feel. A key signal tells your cells whether to decay or grow, for instance, is movement. A sedentary lifestyle hastens cell decay, An active lifestyle hastens cell renewal. This is true for both your body and your brain.

Your emotions are thought to be another key signal. Negativity prompts cell decay. Positivity prompts cell growth. At a very basic biological level, then, positivity is life-giving.

These scientific discoveries about the ever-changing nature of your body and brain are fully consistent with the second core truth about positivity: it transforms us for the better.”

Remember the metaphor presented in the Post, “Best Way to Think About Memory.” The metaphor is that the best way to think about your brain is as a corporate building. Your conscious mind resides in the executive suite at the top floor of the building. All of you memories and cognitive resources can be found at the floors below. Having positive thoughts and thinking about problem situations in constructive ways will have a profound beneficial effect on your memory, your feelings, and your sense of fulfillment as a human being.